I fingered randomly through
the yellow pages the other day. By
looking at the number of ads appearing for certain goods and services, I
wondered if I might learn more about the culture here on the Delmarva and
identify some of our priorities.
Restaurants turned up first,
with listings covering twelve pages. Automobiles also had twelve pages of
listings, as did insurance brokers, physicians, with dentists trailing by four
pages. Lawyers, on the other hand came in with a whopping twenty-six pages. One
thing was clear; man does not live by bread alone.
Church listings consisted of
only one and a half pages. Tucked away in a bottom corner, on barely an eighth
of a page, a lone escort service advertised. Its message, understated was
surprisingly delicate and read: “Upscale, Discreet, Entertainment at its best.”
Curious that sex and religion
hardly advertise at all while lawyers can’t seem to advertise enough.
Human survival depends on sex. Religion has informed our moral conduct for
eons. I think the message here is that we’ve
discovered more about human sexuality than was first suspected and learned there’s
more to religion than rewarding the righteous and punishing sinners. Those
keenly aware of this don’t advertise much these days because they know there
are only a few out there buying any such notions.
Comparatively, the volume of legal advertising is staggering.
Ads may picture lawyers looking like “just folks” in a feel-good family portrait.
Others show snapshots of grisly accident scenes with EMT personnel working feverishly
over mangled bodies. Doctors trade in injuries, too, but they don’t use broken
bodies to advertise. Lawyers assure us, however, that they’re only making sure our
rights are protected.
I saw only one page of ads
for funerals. Wedding services listed covered two and a half pages– most for catering. Comparing the numbers of advertisements
for cars, food, doctors, dentists, insurance, and lawyers, love and death are
small potatoes.
In comparing the volume of
certain advertisements there’s good and bad news. We live longer, but have more
health problems and therefore need more doctors. Cars are a way of life and we service them as regularly
as our bodies but I see few if any advertisements for feeding our souls. Our currency
boldly declares “In God we Trust,” but the insurance premiums we’re willing to
pay tell another story.
Comparing the tiny advertisement
for escort services to the twelve full pages for restaurants indicates we’d
prefer ponying up for the restaurant tab to shelling out for sex.
Why so many lawyers? I think it’s because we’re losing our sense of
community and how we’re all in this business of life together. Do we believe
our differences can be resolved only by adversarial relationships? Must winning
always trump cooperation? Are we only
winners and losers? The sheer number of legal ads would certainly suggest this.
I hope, however, this is not so. I know we’re better people than that.
I pray for the day, going
through the yellow pages, we find hundreds of mediation services available to
us. And yes, they tell us, if you have a phone, you have a mediator, and call
now, the first consultation is free. Successful cases are always a win-win.
